Hi and THANK YOU for reading my story. Allow me to preface by sharing a little bit about me and where I was when the "pink drink" came into my life. This is not easy for me because I must remove my mask and allow you to see my heart, all of it.
Let's begin with my realization that "someday" is here and now......
You see, I never gave much thought to getting older, I was always the "kid" in the crowd. I'm STILL a kid, but not the youngest in most crowds anymore. It seems the older I get the more I reflect on the past, cherish the present and realize the future is not so distant anymore.
It started around the age of 45 when I realized I was approaching the wonderful (and to me the dreaded) age of 50 (this had been the "old" age in my mind all my life). Maybe I dreaded it because no one in my family lives past 74 or maybe because that's the age most of my loved ones became ill or died. At any rate, it was the beginning of a journey, a journey into the unknown and my intuition was alerting me to savor every moment.
I'm not sure it had anything to do with being "50", but that's when "the change" began and continues today. Some good, some different (oh those hot flashes and sleepless nights!), and some painful.
I've experienced some of my greatest joys in this season of life as well as my greatest sorrows. Loss of family and friends, hopes and dreams and the "carefree, fun-loving, throw caution-to-the-wind, I've got the rest of my life full of possibility" part of me died too.
My "someday" is here and NOW. All the "stuff" I was going to do, "things" I was going to accomplish, the "dreams" and "life" I was going to live "tomorrow"... gone. I'm LIVING those tomorrows, still unfinished, at least in the way I envisioned them. Everything I ever attempted seemed to end in "average" or "unfinished".
As I looked down the road of my life, curious about what the curves would bring and where the turns may take me, I realized the end is now in sight. I don't have my entire life in front of me anymore, but I do have the rest of it. How will I make my final chapter count? What do I want to be remembered for? The answer is to be the difference in the life of someone else. A difference so strong that when someone hears my name they associate it with laughter, kindness, love, acceptance or something that made their heart smile.
I felt I had failed at life and whatever my purpose was I'd missed it, and I would die with my song still in me.